Movie – ‘Venom: The Last Dance’ ain’t the two-step it used to be

If you find yourself confused in the busy first ten minutes of Venom, The Last Dance (2024) consider yourself lucky. It will be the most positive emotion you feel throughout the entire movie.

It doesn’t matter how this movie begins or ends. The plot frankly is meaningless. All we need to know is that parasitic entity Venom remains the oddly grounded, instinctual better half of Eddie (Tom Hardy), who remains a fugitive from the law. They find themselves running from not only the authorities in the States, but the US military and another intergalactic entity who needs a piece of Venom to break free of its otherworldly prison.

If that isn’t convoluted enough, the military is headed by Major Strickland (Chitwetel Ejiofor) and Dr Payne (Juno Temple), who is living her late brother’s dream by communing with extra-terrestrials underneath Area 51. This is the entirety of her character. There’s another scientist called “Christmas” because she wears green Crocs and a Christmas tree pin.  Hopefully it’s enough information to deeply care about these otherwise throwaway NPC because they’re counting on it. Oh, can’t forget the crunchy free-spirit parents dragging their kids to Area 51 because there must be another point of peril and unresolved conflict.

That’s all you get because the remaining  149 minutes of Venom appears patched together from rejected Starship Troopers (1997) story boards and half-remembered dreams borne from LSD-laced marijuana.

Written by director Kelly Marcel and inexplicably, Tom Hardy, Venom: The Last Dance is the kind of collaborative effort most directors and actors only experience after losing a bet. There’s a dance scene with a returning character and it’s supposed to be cute and endearing.

It’s not.

Venom: The Last Dance is choppy and nonsensical and isn’t even enjoyable as a hate watch. Sony even has the nerve to threaten the audience with a continuation of the worn-out series, and no one wants that.

My recommendation? Wait for the free streaming, like Tubi or Pluto. The commercials will break up the forced zaniness, which gets tired fast.

Venom: The Last Dance (2024) is rated PG-13 for mild swears, public urination, people getting shot, punched, blown up, aviation and military disasters, alien dogs, and acid baths.