Movie Review – ‘Red One’ brings Santa pumped into the modern era

There’s something magical about a Christmas movie. Whether it is the underlying message of goodwill towards men, or the feel-good image of punching the racist uncle in the face before the closing credits, there’s magic in the gently falling snow and warm woolen hats. Red One (2024) has some of this, but it’s the fun that will make this movie a repeat viewing every season.

In a nutshell, the State Farm Guy gets kidnapped by Sabrina the Teenaged Witch, and has to be rescued by The Rock and Captain America in order to save Christmas, but that makes Red One sound pedestrian and banal, and that’s selling it short.

Let me start again.

Jack (Chris Evans) is a talented tracker/hacker who can find anyone for the right price. He inadvertently gives away the location of the very secret and high-tech workshop of one Santa Claus, designated Red One.

Head of security and  St. Nick’s (JK Simmons) Number One is Callum Drift (Dwayne Johnson), Commander of ELF, the Enforcement, Logistics and Fortification agency, as the North Pole has moved comfortably into the 21st Century. It still runs on magic supplied solely by a very buff, very fit Nick, but the cloaking device, power grid, and weather and navigation information is supplied by various world governments and MORA, the Mythological Oversight and Restoration Authority. On the Eve of Christmas Eve, Nick is kidnapped, and it’s up to Callum and a very reluctant and disbelieving Jack to find Nick before Christmas (the secular, not the Sacred) is ruined for millions of people all over the world. That’s the overall conflict and most Christmas movies would stop there, believing it’s enough. It’s not. Beneath Nick’s abduction are two personal stories. First is Callum’s loss of faith in humanity and the overall mission prompting his retirement. Adults drag down the holiday season for everyone with their selfishness, ignoring the Naughty and Nice lists that used to keep them semi-civil . This is relatable to anyone who needs to leave the house for anything between Thanksgiving and New Year’s Day. The other is Jack’s inability to relate to his teenage son on any level that makes him an effective parent. Not finding common ground, he’d rather keep his son at a friendly arm’s length.

Anyway, while all that seems very heavy, Red One is a tremendous amount of fun. While some may complain about a Santa being too modern (or too buff), we are all well aware that the days of elves building toy boats and baby dolls have gone the way of Rankin-Bass’s stop-motion animation.

Also, Santa’s reindeer are female, and that’s just science, folks. Quit complaining.

I really enjoyed Red One, not only for its modern take on a tired trope but also for its dovetailing of other Yuletide myths into a decidedly Western monopoly. It’s warm and funny in a way that isn’t laugh out loud, but that familiarity that is profoundly amusing.

Is it farfetched? Well yeah, it’s a movie about Santa Claus, but please continue to gripe about the CGI.

The jokes and language can be a little salty, but it’s rated PG-13 for a reason. It’s geared towards adults and older kids who could use a light-hearted reminder for the holidays. Leave the littles at home and bond with your older kids before you’re too uncool to be seen in public with them.

Red One is Rated PG-13 for swears, buff and deadly snowmen, Christmas witches, slap fights, bloodless battles, high-speed chases, people getting tased, and lots and lots of carbs